


Ghosts

by orphan_account



Category: The End Of The Fucking World (TV)
Genre: F/M, Nightmares, Post-Season/Series 02, Recovery, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22357756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: James considers himself to be quite bad with words for a good reason. When attempting to explain his feelings towards Alyssa, he slips and unintentionally reveals he had originally planned to kill her. It creates tensions in their relationship as a result after everything seemed to be healing again, and James attempts to fix them once more.(This won’t likely be updated anymore. I’m sorry :( )
Relationships: Alyssa/James (The End of the Fucking World)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 41





	1. Ice

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two too much and wanted to write for them. One thing that was never explored in the series was Alyssa finding out about James' initial intentions, and I thought it'd make for an interesting post series 2 plot. All feedback is very appreciated, including constructive criticism! I plan on making it a couple of chapters, but nothing too long. Thanks for reading!

It was difficult to sleep.

It was always difficult to sleep.

Tossing, turning, waking, dozing.

Images, memories, emotions. It was a whole ordeal that made the nights dreadful.

James rubbed his eyes, hopelessly glancing towards the window to find it was still pitch-black out. Not even a hint of the morning. He gave a deep sigh, staring at the empty, dark ceiling above him. Sleeping felt fruitless at this point.

Leigh had been kind enough to let him stay in the cabin for now. He was more than fortunate, not because of shelter (which was still nice given his situation), but because he could be close to Alyssa. They had established their feelings for one another recently and it was only natural they'd want to be around each other. It also allowed him to monitor her, make sure she was doing okay. That, and he was still deeply worried from the note scare. He thinks about it a lot.

He hadn't been here long, perhaps a little over a week since the Bonnie incident. He thinks a lot about that, too. Things have been calm, although emotional. Alyssa's mother is supposedly in the process of getting her a therapist, though it's difficult due to their location and money.

They spend quite a lot of time together. Mostly in silence. He doesn't mind, though, it never feels awkward or forced. It's quite comforting, actually; merely sitting while having her hand in his own. He hopes she feels the same.

A gentle tap at the door grabs James' attention. He's tired but aware. Sitting up to adjust, he hears a more firm, impatient knock. He already knows who it is. It comes as a surprise, though; it was probably around two in the morning.

His suspicions are confirmed once he opens the door with a hushed creek. His heart flutters; it always does when he sees her.

"Alyssa?"

She's dressed in a large, white undershirt that nearly reaches her knees and is clearly as tired as he is. Somehow, she still looks as beautiful as she always is. She says nothing, grabbing his wrist without hesitation, and pulling him inside the chilled cabin. He follows along without another word.

Alyssa heads towards the bed, laying down and pulling James down with her. She turns her back to him, and it takes him a moment, but he understands and doesn't question it.

James situates himself behind her, nestling into the back of her neck and wrapping an arm securely around her. Of course, memories of the first time he held her like this settled into his mind immediately. It couldn't be helped; he still remembers that night vividly. It was the first time he had felt that specific feeling of warmth spread through his body, almost tingly and very new. It had frightened him at the time. That feeling was no different now, although it was no longer new or intimidating, and he understood those feelings better.

He wondered what evoked Alyssa to come out here out of the blue. She hadn't done anything like it before, but James certainly had no complaints. He caressed his thumb gently over her shoulder, simply taking in her closeness. It comforted him. It made him feel as if he were protecting her again, keeping her from danger, safe in his arms. Like how he used to feel. No one could hurt her this way, including herself. James couldn't remember the last time they were this close.

-

James eventually woke not to his own thoughts for once, but rather, a moderate rustling beside him. Days of virtually no sleep stacked on one another, his eyelids were heavy. That was, until he was met with a sharp jolt of pain on the left side of his face.

James' hands instinctively pressed to his face to suppress the pain, wincing from the sudden attack. The instant shot of heart-beating adrenaline was enough to snap his groggy mind back to reality as his eyes darted around the room, searching for his attacker.

To his distress, he wasn't met with an attacker so to speak. He would have preferred that to what he saw instead, unfortunately. James was met with a struggling Alyssa beside him, near flailing her arms and mumbling a string of unintelligible cries. James' heartbeat picked up further in pace as his mouth hung open for a second, his mind scrambling to find how to react.

"Alyssa?" He stammered, he grabbed her shoulders through swatting arms, giving her a gentle shake. Her eyes were closed and damp, her facial expression mangled. James' arms were met with a death grip that made him release instantly. Not so much out of pain, but out of panic that it was contributing to her episode.

"Alyssa!" His tone rose a considerable amount, wavering a bit. He could feel tears start to prick at his own eyes, hot and stinging.

Her eyes snapped open and she gasped sharply, body freezing before slowly relaxing. James sat back tentatively, putting his hands together and fidgeting with his fingers. He often did that when he was anxious or worried.

James swallowed thickly. "Alyssa," he said once more, calmly.

The poor girl's breathing was quick as her eyes remained glued dully towards the ceiling. Her panicked expression faded quickly into a blank one, leftover tears streaming down the sides of her face. She sat up, taking a handful of deep breaths. It took her a moment, but she eventually turned her head towards James patiently waiting for her.

"Oh, fuck," was the first thing she said once getting a glance of the boy, her expression saddening as she bit her lower lip.

"Are you okay?"

"Are _you_ okay?" Her eyes were still clouded with tears, brows furrowed in concern. She scooted closer towards James, resting her hand gently on the side of his face. Her thumb stroked lightly over the swollen and slightly bruised area on his face. "Did I do this?"

James gave a small sound at the coldness of her hand, though didn't shy away. Only then he noticed the slight sting there, though didn't dare make her feel bad. He didn't give a shit, he had felt pains tremendously worse. His left hand was proof of that.

"It's fine, it doesn't hurt," he dismissed, tenderly grabbing the hand on the side of his hand, holding it in his own. Even in stressful situations it always managed to comfort him. He hoped it did the same for Alyssa. "Are you okay, Alyssa?"

"Do I look okay to you?" She sounded irritated and choked up. It made James' heart hurt with a swift pang. She didn't mean to come off so angrily and regretted it as soon as she saw James' kind eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired," she apologized, lightly squeezing his had to reassure him.

James hoped he hadn't set anything off. He didn't mean to, he never meant to. He was still trying to process everything though had a feeling she had a nightmare. He didn't ask, though, he never did. Maybe he should ask. Maybe he shouldn't, maybe that's being too pushy. He never really knew.

"It's okay," he reassured, genuine in those two words alone. He returned the squeeze of her hand, looking at her with soft eyes. It was clear she was still concerned about his small injury, though he wished she wasn't.

"I thought being with you would help, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, Alyssa. You didn't mean to," James attempted to comfort her. "I'll always be here if you do need me."

Alyssa looked him over for a second before her expression, too, had grown softer. She swiped a hand over her face, clearing any leftover tears. Her other fingers rubbed absentmindedly over James' hand, feeling the rough texture of scars underneath.

"You need ice on that," Alyssa spoke up, slipping her hand away and getting out of bed without much heart.

"I'm fine-"

"Stay here," she insisted. James sat on the edge of the bed obediently, a heavy, pent-up sigh leaving his lungs as she left. Not a day seemed to pass where his worry didn't grow stronger for Alyssa. At times he would be under the impression that she was improving, but then there was always double the number of troubling things revealed. The thought of recuring nightmares hit him deeper this time, having experienced them himself when he was younger after his mother died. They were terrifying, paralyzing, and hard to get rid of. Like some sort of ghost that refuses to leave.

It didn't take Alyssa long to return and James was glad she did. She had a habit of running off without notice to avoid situations she didn't want to deal with. She decided to plant herself next to James on the bed, handing him a bag of ice wrapped in a towel.

"Thank you," he said quietly, pressing the bag to his face. He hadn't noticed how much it had swelled until he had done so.

A couple of quiet moments passed by. "Do you want to talk about it?" James offered.

Another pause. "Not right now."

"Okay."

It was funny in a way; they virtually spoke to each other in the same fashion as when they first met. Though it was just a bit sad, as they once flourished together in seemingly perfect sync. That wasn't to say that feeling was gone, but simply missing at the time. They were working on it.

"Do _you_ want to talk about anything?"

"What?"

Alyssa gave a half-hearted shrug, looking down to pick at her nails. "You always ask me if I want to talk about anything, and I never ask you."

James thought about it for a second. _Was_ there anything he wanted to talk about? He supposed that was a stupid question in itself, of course, he wanted to pour his heart out towards Alyssa. About how she changed him, made him into a new person. There were only two things preventing him from doing so, however: one, he was quite shit when it came to words, and two, he wasn't sure if Alyssa was actually ready for that yet.

"Not really, no."

James couldn't tell if that answer was satisfactory or not.

"I'm really sorry, James.'

"Really, it's fine-"

"No, not about your face... Well, that too, but I meant just about... This."

"Alyssa," James set the ice down for a second. Hesitantly, he placed a single finger gently underneath, swallowing as he prepared what to say. His eyes were met her brilliant ones, tinted with sorrow and glossed over with tears. "Please don't be. It'll be alright, I promise, I'm just happy to be here with you." Much to his surprise, he spoke quite confidently. Even with his shit words, he hoped he can do something for her.

It was small and brief, but the smallest of smiles tugged at Alyssa's lips. James mirrored her, feeling a sense of warmth spread throughout him again. He would do absolutely anything for that smile.

Alyssa leaned her head against James' shoulder, sniffling a bit.

"I'm happy to be here with you, too."


	2. Toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know. You've really come out of your shell." Alyssa's grin grew just a bit brighter and it gave James encouragement to open up more.
> 
> "It's because of you, Alyssa." James squeezed her hand gently, knowing how sappy he must've sounded. There was a glint of curiosity in her eyes, however. He was usually careful with his words, but this time he wasn't thinking. That would turn out to be a grave mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all sm for the feedback on the first chapter! I really appreciate it and glad people are enjoying it so far! Again, feedback is always welcomed c:

After the nightmare incident, Alyssa had appeared nightly at James' door.

It had been maybe a week since then; James didn't really keep track of time anymore. It did take a little coaxing from James but it was something that truly benefitted them both. That didn't stop Alyssa still felt a pang of guilt, though, having interrupted James' sleep so often with her reoccurring episodes. But, fuck, it _really_ helped when someone was there to comfort her after her horrific dreams. Actually, not _someone,_ but James specifically. She didn't want anyone else to be there. She used to feel so alone and scared, left with nothing but stale tears and a room full of dreadful darkness. She was too frightened to go back to that.

Alyssa still didn't believe him, but it helped James a considerable amount, too. Despite the frequent wakings, he had gotten better sleep by merely holding her as he did so. It was an improvement from getting no sleep at all. He wanted to be there for her nightmares, too; wanted her to feel safe. It must be horrific to wake up to them alone. He didn't want that for her.

The nightmares didn't get better, but they also didn't get worse. James wasn't a therapist and couldn't exactly heal her from them, as much as he wanted to. For now, all he could do was be there for Alyssa. He wished he could do more.

James had woken up before Alyssa that morning, thankfully in a natural manner. She was curled up at his side, an arm lazily hanging over his waist. He lifted his head a bit to get a glance of her sleeping face, finding it quite peaceful for once. Quite a rare sight, he had to add. There were no signs of unpleasant emotions and James hoped her dreams, if any, were the same way. His lips curled up subtly in a smile, leaning down to plant a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

Perhaps he should make her something to eat for when she wakes? That's what people do for people they like, isn't it? Looking around, there wasn't much in the cabin. Leigh had given him enough for small meals and snacks but nothing beyond that. Not a lot could be done without a working oven or stove. He supposed toast would do. It was simple and light, considering Alyssa didn't eat much anymore. That fact saddened him in a different way for some reason.

It didn't take long for Alyssa to wake after that, James hearing a faint rustling as he spread some jam on the toast. He glanced past the counter to see her, sitting up and rubbing her eyes as she looked back to see what he was doing.

"Hey," James said softly with a slight perk to his voice.

"Hey."

"I made you some toast." James made his way back over to the bed, sitting on the edge and handing her the glass plate.

"Thank you." Alyssa took it, staring it briefly before biting into it. James could tell she didn't want it, and he would tell her she didn't have to eat it, but she was growing quite thin by the day. Christ, there wasn't a single thing he didn't worry about in regards to Alyssa.

A couple of silent moments passed as Alyssa slowly munched on her food, tearing off bits and popping them in her mouth periodically.

"Have you thought about working yet?" James asked, attempting conversation.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to start next week. Leigh said I could have my old job back."

"Are you sure you want to work there again?"

Alyssa gave him a half irritated look, knowing he was worried about any trauma that came with the diner. "Yeah, there's really nowhere else for me to work that's close."

James nodded. Another pause. "Do you think you could talk to her about letting me have a job there?"

"I don't need you looking over me 24/7."

"No no, that's not the reason. I'm..." He swallowed. "I'm still homeless, Alyssa," he said, feeling quite pathetic in his words. It wasn't like he could live here forever, and he hadn't had a clue what was going on with his old home. He didn't even have the strength to return to the neighborhood at this point. That, and he planed on repaying Leigh for all her help, and he probably owed other people money as well. He didn't really keep track of it anymore.

Her expression grew softer, knowing she was making it about her again. She was working on that. "I'm sorry."

She placed the plate on the nightstand next to her, toast half-eaten. It was better than nothing, James supposed. "I want to move away from here."

James gave another small nod. "Okay."

"Far away from here."

"Alright."

She grabbed his hand, putting it in her lap. "We should save up for a house. Maybe somewhere up North. But we won't be impulsive about it, for once."

The thought of living with Alyssa in their own home crossed James' mind and he could feel his chest grow just a bit warmer. Alyssa using "we" only heightened that feeling. He gave Alyssa a half-smile in response. "That sounds nice."

Miraculously, Alyssa returned the gentle smile. It was surprising how one little grin could near overwhelm him with a mess of emotions. "It's nice to see you smile," he commented, though rather meekly. He felt like a teenage boy giving a compliment to a girl for the first time, sensing a bit of heat rush to his cheeks. Though, he supposed, he was.

Alyssa rolled her eyes playfully. "It's nice to see _you_ smile. You used to be so damn uptight and quiet when we first met. Thought you were depressed or something."

"Yeah," he reflected on his former self briefly. His old emotions. "A lot of things have changed since then. I've changed a lot."

"I know. You've really come out of your shell." Alyssa's grin grew just a bit brighter and it encouraged James to open up more.

"It's because of you, Alyssa." James squeezed her hand gently, knowing how sappy he must've sounded. There was a glint of curiosity in her eyes, however. He was usually careful with his words, but this time he wasn't thinking. That would turn out to be a grave mistake.

"I... I used to think something was wrong with me. It's weird looking back, when we first met, I thought I wanted to murder-"

Fuck. He knew instantly.

"Wait, what?" Alyssa's hand slipped out of his own and James could feel her smile disintegrate without looking. It was like slow motion. James felt his soul practically leave his body as his gaze moved to directly in front of him, dull and almost defeated. An odd feeling settled on his chest, tight and restricting.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd do the 'ol cliff hanger c;


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to post what I had for the third chapter. I don’t have the drive nor time to finish this, I’m sorry! I hope this is alright, though! Thanks to anyone who’s read!
> 
> Maybe a small chance to come back to it if teotfw comes back to life

James apparently didn't even have to finish the sentence.

His gaze settled back on Alyssa, panicked yet hollow, _begging_ her to stay and understand. There was a bit of a weird noise that escaped this back of his throat, his mind racing at 100 kpm. What the hell was wrong with him?

Alyssa's stare, meanwhile, was hard and unforgiving and James swore he could feel it burn in the back of his skull. "It was me you wanted to kill?" Alyssa spoke up, her voice questioning but not skewed to any set emotion. Maybe it wasn't her as the victim in question; maybe she should've let him finish before interrupting him.

James didn't realize his opportunity to lie, perhaps making an excuse of wanted to murder someone _else_... It still wasn't good, that was certain, but at least it wouldn't be _Alyssa_ for Christ's sake. There was still a degree of uncertainty in her voice as if she wanted to believe it wasn't true. But through the midst of panic, his mind immediately jumped to her assuming he would've ended that sentence with _'you.'_

"I... Alyssa, _please_ let me explain," his voice was shaky but steady, able to muster up a proper sentence. It confirmed it for Alyssa, her glare becoming colder as her brows became tightly knit together. If it wasn't her, any person would've answered with a hard _no_. She peeled her eyes away from the boy, piecing together oddities she was suspicious of before. It wasn't the first time, after they had murdered Clive she found James quite frightening; that someone had the capacity to do that. Even with as horrid as a person Clive was, Alyssa knew she wouldn't have the strength to _stab someone in the neck_ if she and James had swapped roles.

By recalling these thoughts, she was met with other unpleasant imagery that only heightened her emotions.

"What the _fuck_."

"Alyssa-"

It was too overwhelming for Alyssa, she needed to be alone. With a lump in her throat and glossy eyes, she got up from the bed without another word and exited the small cabin promptly. The door shut in a near slam behind her, leaving a faint, hollow echo through its wooden structure.

James didn't even attempt to protest or stop her; he felt frozen, almost paralyzed.


End file.
